Story: A Beautiful Death

“You could be rich, you know,” she said.

“Gold, gems, castles, anything your heart desires and more, everything you never even knew you could have.”

“I don’t want money,” he murmured.

“No?  Then what do you want?  Tell me and I will make it yours.”

When he didn’t respond, she forged on.  “Do you want a pretty wife who could make you lord of vast lands?  Or do you want to be lord in your own right?  You could rule over half the kingdom.”

She looked at him askance.

“You could even be king.”

He smiled.  “I won’t give you what you want.”

She frowned, her beautiful face suddenly turned petulant and cruel.  He knew she didn’t have much experience with people telling her no.

“If you’re done, I’ll be going now,” he told her gently.

“Wait.”  She stood and faced him fully for the first time, her eyes boring into his.

“You’re doomed; you know that right?  There’s no way you can win.”

He nodded.

“So why are you still fighting?  Switch sides!  Win!  Live!  Don’t die for no reason!” she cried, for the first time bleeding some emotion into her voice.

He paused.  “Because he’s everything to me.”

“So, it’s to be war then,” the king said, taking one look at his face as he strode into the throne room.

He remembered her offer and how earnestly she had pleaded and the way she had stroked his hand and asked.

“You could be king,” she whispered.

“Yes,” he said, dragging himself from the memories.  “There will be no peace.”  Not on any acceptable terms, anyway.

The king looked at him for a long time.

“We’ll need to move some troops over to the mountain passes.  She’ll have to attack from air there; she has no other option.”

“Well, don’t forget, we have to consider that she has her mercenaries too.  They’ll be able to flank and go through the side…”

Words washed over him, but he didn’t see the map or battle plans, only her face.

There was red everywhere, staining the side of his armor, coating the end of his sword, lapping at the edges of the trees, and whirling through the air.

There was no time to rest.  He couldn’t remember the last time he had taken a full breath.

There was only slicing metal and hoarse screams and biting pain.

He spun and hacked and butchered until there were corpses piled high, but still they came and then the others broke.

Turning, he yelled at them to come back to hold the line, but nobody paid any attention.

Suddenly his foot caught in the mud, and he fell heavily and felt the sun on his back.

He tried to scramble backwards, but there was no use and no time.

Instinctively, he raised an arm against the flames, and the last thing he saw was the gleaming scales and pointed teeth of her dragon and her lovely, regretful face.

Only smoke and ashes remained of the ragtag army.  They stung her throat, but she refused to turn back.

“No survivors?” she asked although she knew the answer.

“None,” he answered viciously.  “A good death for all of them, my queen.”

Yes, she thought, remembering his calm face.  A good death.

Dragon breathing fire.  Web Source.

Author's Note:  This is Game of Thrones meets Mahabharata basically.  Dr. Gibbs pointed out the similarities between Karna and Jon Snow so I had to write a story about it.  I obviously took some liberties with what happened in Game of Thrones, namely about what happens with Robb and Jon and Daenerys but I tried to keep it within the realms of possibility.  Since Karna was tempted and wooed by the other side, I added references to that between Daenerys and Jon and also included the trapped and vulnerable nature of Karna's death in Jon's fate.

Bibliography:  R.K. Narayan.  Mahabharata.  Reading Guide.

Reading Notes: Mahabharata Part D

• I like how the Pandavas have a lot of regrets and don't want to continue fighting the war.  I wish they would all just stop and make peace but I suppose there are too many grudges.
• It's interesting seeing this book's version of the quote:  "I am become death, destroyer of worlds."  That was my most favorite quote by J. Robert Oppenheimer about the atomic bomb, and I'm really glad that I got to read that part.  In this version Krishna says "I am death.  I am destruction."  I like the impact of the other version better.
• So many sad moments in here with Bhishma on his bed of arrows, Drona getting his head cut off, and Adhimanyu getting caught in the lotus maze formation.  The last one especially got to me when Arjuna began crying about his dead son.
• I was also sad about the death of Karna.  It was kind of interesting how many people tried to convince him to go back and support the Pandavas.  I like how much he stuck to Duryodhana even though he knew he was doomed simply because Duryodhana had been the one who had supported him from the very beginning.  He was loyal to the bitter end.
• I liked how defiant Duryodhana was even at the very end.  He knew he was going to die and had just been humiliated by Bhima, but still he finds it in himself to chastise a god about his situation.  Maybe he did deserve it since he had started everything in the first place, but even so he was still brave and strong.
• Out of her hundred sons, Gandhari only had one left.  That was pretty sad too as well as the fact that she and Dhritarashtra and Kunthi died in a forest fire.
• I liked how Narayan set up the epilogue by saying that all epics writers have a hard time not continuing on to the narrative.
• Overall, I was very surprised with how deep and philosophical some parts were.  In the PDE Ramayana I read, not a lot of the parts were philosophical.  It was mostly very action oriented it seemed, but in the Mahabharata, many parts had deep questions and quotes.  I especially liked the quote about the greatest wonder in the world.

Bhima and Duryodhana.  Web Source.

Bibliography:  R.K. Narayan.  Mahabharata.  Reading Guide.

Reading Notes: Mahabharata Part C

• I was a little shocked at the part where most of them drank water from the pond and died.  I knew they couldn't actually be dead since the battle still had to be fought but it was really interesting that all of them succumbed to the temptation except for Yudhishthira.  Also I was not expecting that the person who was testing them was actually Yudhishthira's father, so I guess it does make sense that he was the only one who passed.
• I'm glad that they actually got to enjoy their last year in exile with the boon from Yama.  It was nice that they could do whatever they wanted.  All of them chose such mundane things.  It makes me wonder whether they would have been happier just giving up their kingdom.
• I find it funny that even when Duryodhana goes to taunt the Pandavas and gets captured, they still rescue him and he still thanks them!  It's funny which courtesies can't be done away with.  It also makes me kind of sad though that they will fight.
• Their argument over the dice game is sad.  They're both right, kind of, but it's just so small and petty.  Whether they revealed themselves too early, or whether the dice game was legally entered into or not do not seem like terms by which an entire family should be destroyed.
• The Pandavas keep being built up into the family that is better and that should win.  I want more points of view from Duryodhana and Karna.  Everybody seems to think that Duryodhana is such a terrible person.  The story is still kind of ambivalent though.
• I find it interesting that Krishna still offers his help to both Duryodhana and Arjuna even though they're on opposite sides.
• Why can't they all just get along?!

Krishna and the Pandavas.  Web Source.

Bibliography:  R.K. Narayan.  Mahabharata.  Reading Guide.

Story: Gamblers Anonymous

“Welcome to Gamblers Anonymous!” the bright, cheery lady chirped.  “Let’s all go around the room and say our first names and why we’re here, shall we?  I’ll start!  I’m Anna and I lost my house playing poker!”

“I’m James and I’m here because the court ordered me to be after I started a prison fight betting ring.”

“I’m David and I started selling drugs to feed my addiction.”

“I’m Bri and I lost my entire family and turned to alcoholism after I gambled away my retirement fund and children’s college fund.”

“I’m Yudhishthira and I lost my wealth, my kingdom, my servants, my brothers, myself, and worst of all, my wife, on a dice game,” he sighed, with his face in his hands.

Everybody in the room turned and stared at him, aghast.

“Damn, dude, you had a kingdom?” James muttered.

“You had a wife?” David said.

“Yes,” he cried, “and I lost them all because of my stupidity.”

“Oh, wow, that sucks,” Anna said brightly.  “Why don’t you elaborate a little more on what exactly happened?”

“Well, my cousin invited me to a dice game.  I knew he had something up his sleeve because he never wants to play dice, but I had no choice but to accept.  So I—“

“Wait, hold up, you had to accept?” asked Bri.

“Yes, or it would have been a stain on my honor.  A Kshatriya never backs down from a challenge.”  The group looked even more confused than before, but he ignored them and continued.  “I headed over to his palace, but when I arrived he refused to play me.  Instead, he had his uncle Sakuni play for him.  Sakuni is wily and clever at dice games, and soon he was winning everything from me.  I should have stopped before it got too much, but I couldn’t!  A frenzy had come over me, and I had to keep playing.  I kept raising and raising the stakes until soon I stood before him a pauper, and still I could not stop playing.  Every time I rolled I thought this would be the time I won it all back.  But again and again he won until even my family had been won by him, as if they were mere slaves!  Soon the only thing that was left to me was my beautiful wife until even she had been won.  She would have been forced to disrobe too, but thankfully the Lord Krishna prevented that from happening.  Alas, I still had nothing, and that is why I sit before you now.  I hope to find solace here and recover from my ruinous habits.”

A profound silence greeted his statements.  None of them knew what to say, but all knew how he had felt while playing the game.

“Did you say you were playing against a man named Sakuni?” a deep voice suddenly growled from the back of the room.

Yudhishthira turned to see who it was and was greeted by a towering hulk of a man gripping a golden mace.  Next to him stood a slim, tall man absentmindedly playing with the strings of a bow almost as tall as he was, the opposite of the other in every way, and yet they seemed exceedingly similar somehow.

“Who are you?  How do you know Sakuni?”

“I am Bhima and my brother is Arjuna.  He cheated us out of everything we have too, just like you.  Once my brother and I were famous warriors, known throughout the land.  Then, Sakuni staked 13 years of exile on a dice game with us, and we lost.  We have been in hiding ever since, waiting for the day when we can strike back against him and take back what we lost.”

“You say you know his nephew, do you not?” Arjuna said thoughtfully.  “Perhaps we can use that to our advantage.”

“B-But you do not understand.  He is protected by that very same nephew and his friends.  There is no way we could reach him.”

The two brothers looked at each other grimly and stroked their weapons.

“Oh, we know a way,” Bhima smiled.

“What do you say, Yudhishthira?” Arjuna asked.  “Are you in?”

He hesitated.

“I—“

“Oh, come on, man, just go!  Get back your wife and kingdom!”  James threw open the door and gestured outside.  “You can’t just waste the chance to make everything right!”

He took a deep breath and nodded at Arjuna.  “I’m in.  Let’s go.”  As they walked out the door, the other gamblers cheered and made for the door as well, leaving behind a pleading Anna muttering something about court-mandated rehab.

Hand holding playing cards.  Web Source.

Author's Note:  This is based on the story of Yudhishthira's gambling with the Kauravas leading him into exile.  I lifted him into a more modern setting but kept much of the details although in this one Arjuna and Bhima are not his siblings and he gambled away other brothers.  I put Yudhishthira into Gamblers Anonymous since it seemed like he had a serious problem.

Bibliography:  R.K. Narayan.  Mahabharata.  Reading Guide.

Reading Notes: Mahabharata Part B

• Reading the introduction gave me more appreciation for the one scene where there is a woman and five men's charred remains found in the house.  In the Sanskrit version, they are tricked in there by the Pandavas and are left for dead simply for being members of a lower caste.  I appreciate how Narayan sidestepped the issue and simply said they must have wandered in accidentally.
• I just wish they would all get along now.  I hate seeing how much more the fights keep escalating.  Duryodhana should have been happy that they were going to have their own separate kingdom, but I suppose he would never have been happy that they were supposedly doing better than he was.
• Yudhishthira has a serious gambling problem.  Sakuni's rigging of the dice was wrong (and his explanation for why it wasn't wrong was silly.  It's not skill that allows you to rig dice.), but Yudhishthira could have stopped at any time.  He was only obligated to play one round.
• I keep losing sympathy for Duryodhana.  That's just mean to treat Draupadi like that.  At worst, she laughed at you.  At best, she had absolutely nothing to do with your conflict with the Pandavas.
• Seriously, Yudhishthira?  Did you really have to go back and play again?  All your brothers even told you this is a terrible and stupid idea!
• Bhima and Arjuna make good points about not remaining in exile the whole time, but I appreciate Yudhishthira's wanting to keep his vow.  I wonder what they'll choose in the end.
• Also Arjuna's "blessing" thing is kind of funny.  Wait 13 years while women scoff at you but don't worry it'll actually pay off in the end.

Draupadi's never ending robe.  Web Source.

Bibliography:  R.K. Narayan.  Mahabharata.  Reading Guide.

Reading Notes: Narayan's Mahabharata Part A

• The Kindle edition introduction was actually really interesting!  I really enjoyed reading about how many different versions of the Mahabharata there were and how other translators attempted to relay the story.
• I skipped the character guide at first but soon realized that was a mistake.  There are so many characters and this is coming from someone who reads Game of Thrones with ease.  I'm already getting mixed up with all of the different cousins and brothers and nephews.
• I love the story of Satyarati.  So weird but interesting.  The whole fish mother and fish odor thing was so funny.
• What happened with Vyasa and the two wives was really interesting.  Very unfortunate that that was the case.  Even though the king tried to make sure he would still have an heir, fate still made him lose all of them.
• I can already see the set up for the giant battle later.  It's so tragic.  I wish someone could have just said to them to stop fighting but I suppose it's hard to forget grudges when they build up so slowly over time.  And both sides are right too, in my opinion.  Maybe Duryodhana escalated things a little too quickly but still.
• Draupadi's story is very interesting haha.  I like the way Narayan tries vainly to explain her status in the context of the values of the time.

Draupadi's swayamwara.  Web Source.

Bibliography:  R.K. Narayan.  Mahabharata.  Reading Guide.

Feedback Focus

It was very fun trying out all of the different feedback techniques because I haven't really tried out anything like that before.  All of the techniques were very interesting and got me to re-evaluate how I approach giving feedback.  That being said, there were some things I didn't like about some of them.  My least favorite one was probably using the 10 minute timer.  I read much too fast for that to be helpful for me.  I finished reading the story twice and still had approximately 6 minutes left.  Then I read the comments and re-read the story for sentence structure and word choice.  I still had 2 minutes left after that that I didn't really know what to do with.  It was nice having such a large amount of time to really focus on the story itself but by then I wanted to get more into thinking about comments and just evaluating it and providing feedback rather than having to continue reading it.  I think that technique would be better for longer or more complicated writings.
My favorite technique was probably the copy-paste one, not least because I used Written?Kitten haha.  Overall, I did really like using this one so I could see my thought process throughout the entire story rather than just at the end.  However, many of my comments became more about trying to predict what would happen next or informal remarks about the characters' actions, although that might have been because I picked a particularly humorous fairy tale.
The reading out loud technique really helped me pay more attention to the rhythm and cadence of the story, something I do not try to focus on a lot when I write.  I think it would be fun for short stories like the fairy tales but not a good feedback strategy for longer works because I do not really want to spend half an hour reading a story out loud.
It was very fun trying out these different feedback techniques!  I might have to start incorporating the copy-paste technique in future feedback giving.

Dog and cat as enemies.  Web Source.

Story: Life after Life

There’s blood in my hair again.

I run the wet, sticky strands through my fingers and flick the droplets on the ground.

And they come at me again, swords raised and howling.

Eyes closed, I swing my sword and it finds its mark, and I can hear the bounce of its head, feel the cool breeze of my sword, and taste the blood on my lips.

This is why my mothers created me, so that I could slice and chop and hack, but most of all kill and kill and kill.

It’s all I know.

I open my eyes and look around at the ruined tangle of bodies, and—

There’s blood in my hair again.

I don’t remember when he appears.  One moment I’m alone like I always am, and then suddenly he’s by my side, his slashes perfectly in time with mine.

One glance and I know he’s a god.

“You fight well,” he says when it’s all over and I say nothing because I know it’s true.

His sword flashes up and I turn it aside on instinct but slow, almost too slow, and he smiles.

“How about a practice duel?” he asks, and in answer I swing my sword at his neck.

He laughs as he jumps back, and the fight is on.

It’s hours before we stop, both too exhausted to even hold our swords up anymore.

“Rematch tomorrow?” he pants.

“Rematch,” I reply hoarsely and I watch him leave.

We duel like this every day and I start to memorize him, his attack patterns, the stubble on his cheeks, the quick spin of his blade, the flecks in his eyes, until I think I could close my eyes for an eternity and still have his image in my mind.

I’ve never met someone like him before, someone who doesn’t care that I wield swords instead of paintbrushes, someone who cracks jokes while blood spews, someone who can make me smile.

I never laughed before I met him.

I start to count the hours, minutes before he arrives.

I dream of him at night and when he comes back, I feel electrified.

One day, he’s different when he visits.  He’s with another man, who looks like him.  Both are distraught, and I feel something icy on my spine.

“Have you seen her?” the other one asks and inwardly, I know, I know.

“Seen who?”

“My wife,” he says, and I can feel something hard inside me shatter into a million tiny drops.

“No, I haven’t.  I don’t see anyone around here.”  Except for you.

He lets out a long breath.  “I see.  She was kidnapped from me, and I’m trying to find her.  I won’t be back for a while.  I’ll see you then though.”

“Y-You’ll be back?”

“Of course.”  He stopped and grabbed my hand.  “Maybe we can talk then.”

When he leaves, I can still feel the imprint of his palm in my skin.

And so I wait and wait and wait.  They don’t come to fight me anymore.  My mothers don’t need me anymore.

So I sit by the place where we dueled, and wait.

Days turn to weeks turn to months turn to years.

But I don’t mind.

I would wait a thousand lifetimes to see his face again.

Waiting.  Web Source.

Bibliography:  "Vaishno Devi:  Goddess of the Hills" by Aruna Balakrishna Singh and Durgesh Velhal.  Reading Guide.

Author's Note:  This story is based on the legend of Vaishno Devi or Vaishnavari, a goddess who was created by Lakshmi, Parvati, and Saraswati, the consorts of Vishnu, Shiva, and Brahma respectively.  She was created to deal with rakshasas terrorizing the land, and eventually was reborn into a girl who fell in love with Vishnu.  He agreed to come back and take her as his wife but she did not recognize him when he came to her in the form of an old man, so he said he would come later when she was ready.  To prove herself, she traveled deep into the mountains and meditated, but another man came by and fell in love with her.  As she had promised herself to Vishnu, she refused the other man, but his desire was too much and she eventually killed him.  She then turned herself into stone to wait for Vishnu to come back for her.  I tried to keep the big similarities, so she references her "mothers" and fights demons in the beginning, but I took out the reincarnation part.  I tried to emphasize her crazy passion for him because she seemed incredibly devoted in the story.

Extra Credit Reading Notes: Sita Part 2

• The depiction of Shurpanakha was fantastic.  I loved how when she turned into an angry demon, you could still see the shadow of the beautiful woman she was at the bottom.
• I really loved how the author showed what happened while Sita was held captive and what Rama and Lakshmana were up to through Haruman's song.  What an ingenious way to show both perspectives!
• Jatayu's death was even worse in this version since he'd been with them during most of their captivity.  He was so loyal even to the end.
• I really loved how even Sita's rakshasi guards started turning against Ravana in the end.  It really captured how people were starting to second guess starting a war for a single woman.
• I still wish we could have seen what happened to Shurpanakha in the end.  She just vanishes from the story.  Obviously she never got Rama so what did she do?  Did she just give up and never get revenge?
• This version where Rama holds himself back because of the law and Sita chooses to go through the purity test because she doesn't want to live with a mistrustful husband was much better in my opinion.  You could clearly see the anguish on Rama's face and it did seem as if he was very regretful.  It made more sense that he was sure she would prove her purity.
• I also really liked this depiction of why Sita went into exile.  Having her do it by her own decision is much more satisfying than having Rama reluctantly do it.  I love how she decided her own fate and tried to find out herself what the problem was.
• Her sons too were adorable and very well drawn.  I liked how eager they were to prove themselves and how excited they were to find out that their father was someone they had idolized.
• Sita's decision to retreat into the earth also made much more sense this way.  I loved seeing her thoughts about how forgetful people were and how this was the only way she could finally silence all the critics.  I just wish they had been able to be together.  The little epilogue at the end was nice though to see that everything turns out all right.
• One thing I didn't like though was the speech bubble placement.  Sometimes it got a little difficult to figure out which ones came first but maybe I'm just not used to reading comic books.

Sita asks Rama to catch the golden deer.  Web Source.

Bibliography:  Sita:  Daughter of the Earth by Saraswati Nagpal.  Reading Guide.

Extra Credit Reading Notes: Sita

• She called Parvati Uma at the beginning.  Is this another accepted name for her?
• I really love this perspective of Sita so far.  I love how fierce she is!  The way she wants to do her best to rid the world of evil is so heartwarming.  I also love how she takes charge of her marriage and tries to rig it so Rama wins.
• The story of her birth is also so interesting.  I know she's an avatar of Lakshmi but I didn't realize she was also the daughter of the earth goddess.
• Rama is so sweet and attentive to Sita.  Reading the Ramayana, you don't really get a sense of what their day to day interactions would be like, so I really appreciate how this graphic novel shows us.
• Also, I love young Sita's interactions with her sisters!  It reminded me of how I tease my little sister.
• I forgot that Lakshmana also married one of Sita's sisters and that she did not go with them.  I like how it goes into more detail about how that made her feel.
• I am also really happy how this graphic novel goes into more detail about Rama forgiving Kaikeyi.  It's kind of just glossed over in the Ramayana but I like how she repents in this version.
• The illustrations in here are gorgeous as well!  I love seeing how the characters are represented with their beautiful clothes and Rama's characteristic blue skin.

Sita graphic novel cover.  Web Source.

Bibliography:  Sita:  Daughter of the Earth by Saraswati Nagpal.  Reading Guide.

Reading Notes: Vaishno Devi

• I liked the girl power in this one so much!  The guys were basically completely useless and it was up to their consorts to save the day.
• Also why do they keep granting these people boons?  You'd think they'd learn after a while when they keep turning on them.
• The part where Vaishnavi just blasts the guy who says he's indestructible is the best.  How did that even work?
• So she was reborn into Trikuta?
• I don't remember this part of the Ramayana?  He met her while looking for Sita?  And why did he promise to come back for her later if he loves Sita so much?
• Some googling revealed that Vaishnavi is the feminine form of Vishnu which makes sense why he would name her that because of her devotion to him.  I am now wondering why the three goddesses originally named their heroine Vaishnavi though?  What was the relation to Vishnu there?  Why not the feminine form of one of the other gods?
• I feel bad for Vaishnavi.  Now she has to wait so long for Vishnu.  I am still confused why he even agreed to marry her though.  What about Sita?
• Poor Bhairon.  Although his obsessiveness gets really creepy, I still feel kind of bad for him.
• I really like how her story links up with the geography of the land and explains some of the formations.
• How did she transform herself into Kali?  Is Kali one of the consorts' forms?
• It's nice that she forgave him in the end.
• How long will she have to wait?  When is the Kaliyuga?
• The map at the end showing the pilgrimage route is so interesting!  Really helps put everything into perspective.

Shrine at Vaishno Devi's temple.  Web Source.

Bibliography:  Vaishno Devi by Aruna Balakrishna Singh and Durgesh Velhal.  Reading Guide.

Reading Notes: Shiva Parvati: A Story of Divine Love

• I'm confused why Sati killed herself.  I feel like that solves exactly none of the problems between Shiva and Daksha.  Why did Daksha hate Shiva so much anyway?  Was it because he didn't think he was worthy of Sati?  Wouldn't that mean he was too proud of his daughter?
• Is heavenly nymph a metaphor or is Menaka actually a nymph?
• What was the boon granted to Taraka by Indra that prevented his destruction?
• I think it's really interesting that the gods can afford to wait so long.  Indra doesn't say oh your hero will be here soon.  He says first Shiva and Parvati need to marry, produce a son, and then he will grow up to defeat Taraka.  What patience.
• I guess love can't defeat all.  This seems to me to parallel Hades and Persephone, where in some versions, Cupid is the one that shoots an arrow at Hades and makes him fall in love with Persephone.  In the Greek version, even Hades can't resist love, but in this version, Shiva not only resists but also destroys love.  It's also interesting how both cultures give love a bow and arrow.
• Was she not devoted enough to him before?  She was kind of already his best attendant.  But I guess she had to prove herself even more worthy.
• I really like the line later where Shiva says am I not Kama's slave too, now.  Too cute.
• The whole seed in the river seems so round about.  Why could they not have just given birth normally?  I mean the six heads is cool too but what if there had been more nymphs there?  Or only one?
• Does Shiva ever realize Parvati is Sati reborn?  Does Parvati retain any of Sati's personality traits?  Are they similar in any way?

Parvati.  Web Source.

Bibliography:  Shiva Parvati:  A Story of Divine Love by Kamala Chandrakant, Ram Waeerkar, and Anant Pai.  Reading Guide.

Story: The End

Dr. Manhattan to Ozymandias from Watchmen by Alan Moore.  Web Source.

They think it’s out of grief that I’ve been here for two days.

They think that I can’t stand for someone to take the body from me, that I don’t want anyone to see him like this, hanging like an ornament by his own cape, decked out in costume like he hadn’t been for years.

They’re right but for the wrong reasons.

I sighed and looked him right in his glass eyes.  “You always said you’d die with a smile on your face.”

Only my brother would go to his death grinning like an idiot.

 “Oh, Rama, please save me!” the girl cried as Ravana, the villain we’d been chasing for months, cackled and dashed  up the building with her in his arms.

Glancing at my brother, I nodded once and he immediately sprang up the building.

I cracked my knuckles and smiled at the henchmen surrounding me. 

POW!

In a few short seconds, most of them were unconscious or begging for mercy.  My work here done, I scanned the top of the tower for my brother, only to spot Ravana waving a red detonator and laughing as my brother climbed furiously up the building.

“You’ll never catch me alive!” he screamed, pressing the detonator as my brother made a last leap towards him.

“NO!” I yelled, racing towards the building.

But I was too late, and the tower exploded outwards, throwing me into a telephone pole.

When I opened my eyes, everything was blanketed in concrete dust and glass shards.

“Rama?  Where are you?” I called, knowing he couldn’t possibly have died.

I fumbled my way towards the center of the explosion, and suddenly I saw them, two figures intertwined together, my brother and the mayor’s daughter kissing like they had been searching for each other for years.

That picture haunted  the city hall for years afterward.  The mayor immediately gave his permission for his daughter, Sita, to marry Rama.

They were perfectly beautiful together.  Everybody was in favor of the marriage except for me.

“You hardly even know her!” I argued, even on the day of his wedding.  “You rescued her once, and now you’re going to marry her?”

“It’s true love,” Rama sighed, fixing his hair.  “You wouldn’t understand, Lakshmana.  I feel like I’ve known her for ages.  She and I have never run out of things to talk about.”

“That’s because you’ve had a total of two conversations,” I muttered, but he was dreaming again, smiling about Sita’s dark hair and brown eyes.

♦        ♦        ♦

I can still see her, shining in her dress, blushing prettily when I kissed her.

The wedding was the most perfect moment of my life, when I was drunk off her instead of bad tequila, and the years that followed were bliss, when I could hold my sons’ hands instead of cans of beer.

If I could do it all again, would I still marry her?  Sometimes in my desperation, stumbling home at 5 AM, so drunk I walk down the wrong street, I wonder if I would have been better off.

“You need to stop doing this,” she whispered furiously with red-rimmed eyes as I fell through the door.

“But the kids love it when I break down the door,” I slurred, using the counter to steady myself.

“This isn’t a joke!” she hissed.  “I can’t believe you have the nerve to go drink again right after you promised me you would stop.  I’m sick of this kind of behavior, Rama.  Rama!”

I hauled myself to the couch and threw myself down.  “I’m listening.  You know I can take care of myself.  If you want someone who just does whatever you ask, why don’t you just go back to him, anyway.”

“This isn’t about him!  This is about you!  Your behavior doesn’t just affect you; it affects me and your sons as well.  Think about what people say when they see you drunk in the bar every night!”

“Think about what they said when they saw you having dinner with that creep.”

“It was a mistake and it was a long time ago, Rama.  Why can’t you just forget about it?!”

It was the same argument every night.  I would say, “Because I love you,” and she would say “I know you do,” through her tears and we would go to bed and make up and everything would be okay but nothing was ever okay.

I didn’t want to pretend anymore.

“Because I can’t!” I screamed.  “I can’t forget any of it!  Why do you want to forget?  Why can’t we remember?”

“Because it’s over!  It’s in the past and you can’t change it!”

“Then get out!  If you want to forget so bad, then just leave.”

“Rama, you can’t mean—“

“I said, GET OUT!”

She did it.  She left and she took my boys and now only I remained in this cavernous house.  I wandered through it until I found myself where I always ended up, sitting in my closet looking at my superhero costume.

When I closed my eyes, I could still see it all:  flying through the clouds with Lakshmana, blood spraying from a henchman’s face, faces contorted as the building tumbled down.

If I slipped far enough into my memories, I could feel her lips on mine, soft even through the dust, could still grip her hands, soft even with the blood and grime.

The suit was rough when I pulled it on and tight in places I didn’t remember, but it still fit well enough.

Smiling, I felt the breeze on my face one last time and jumped towards a twinkling river in the sky with a green bank and a man I didn’t recognize but knew.

Author's Note:  As you can probably tell, the story is very loosely based on the last half of the Ramayana when Rama saves Sita from Ravana and later exiles her.  His actions puzzled and angered me so I tried to explain them in this story.  The superhero aspect was inspired by the comic I drew the picture from, Watchmen by Alan Moore.  I recently watched the movie and loved it, so I just had to incorporate superheroes somewhere in the story.  I tried to allude to elements of the Ramayana like them searching for each other for years and Rama's ascendance to heaven although I didn't put a lot of references in.

Bibliography:  Public Domain Ramayana.  Web Source.

Reading Notes: PDE Ramayana Part D

• I thought it was strange that they mentioned how Rama was afraid of the rakshasa's magic.  Hasn't he already fought many of them before?
• I love how Hanuman just took the entire mountain with him when one of them asked for herbs.  Very efficient.
• I was almost sad when Indrajit died.  Something about how Ravana still wept and loved his son so much really reminded me how human he was too.  He wasn't just an evil demon who cared for no one.
• The death of Ravana seemed to me to be very anti-climactic.  Rama just shot him with a divine weapon after a long battle.  The stories almost seemed to just gloss over it.\
• Again, Mandodari's reaction to Ravana's death humanized them to me.  She at least truly loved him and saw him as a good and strong husband.
• I can't believe Rama made Sita prove her purity to him.  You went through all of that to get her back and now you're thinking maybe she isn't pure any more?  What was the point then?
• The reunion of Bharata and Rama made me very happy.  I'm glad both of them got what they wanted and were so delighted to see each other.
• Rama made me so angry when he decided to exile Sita because of his subjects' gossip.  Really?
• He even had the nerve to be so sad when she left and he was left alone without her.  You were willingly without her for 16 years.
• What happens to Rama's sons?  I feel like they should have their own adventures too.  Do they have their own legends and epics?
• His death at the end was very peaceful and kind I felt.  After all of his adventures, I thought it was a good end to his story.

Sita departs.  Web Source.

Bibliography:  Public Domain Ramayana.  Web Source.

Reading Notes: PDE Ramayana Part C

• The story about Sugriva and Vali was very saddening.  You can't really blame either of them for doing what they did and yet one of them had to die for it.  I really wish Rama had been able to help them get along rather than having to kill Vali.
• Sampati's story reminds me of Icarus in Greek mythology.  Both flew too close to the sun and had their wings burnt, although Icarus actually died and Sampati was merely wounded.  They also both had another person with them that survived (Jatayu for Sampati and Daedalus for Icarus).
• I really like Hanuman so far.  He is so helpful and brave and almost never shies away from what Rama needs him to do.
• I don't understand why Sita didn't just go with Hanuman when he offered?  It said that she was too modest to have another man touch her, but at this point I feel like Rama shouldn't have cared that much.
• I feel kind of bad for all the people in Lanka who had their city destroyed.  Are they all rakshasas?
• I am intrigued by Vibhishana, the virtuous brother of Ravana.  Is he a rakshasa?  Why is he good when his siblings aren't?

Hanuman's leap.  Web Source.

Bibliography:  Public Domain Ramayana.  Web Source.

Feedback Thoughts

I have a lot of trouble with feedback.  With all the messages surrounding us about "not being afraid to be yourself" or "daring to be different", it's sometimes hard for me to tell which feedback is constructive criticism I should follow or which is thinly veiled criticism.  Often, I feel personally attacked even with the most benign feedback, which I know is not something I should be feeling.  I really appreciated the ideas about overcoming the fear of feedback by building a new habit chain regarding feedback.  I have tried to do so in the past but still find it rather difficult to not think that I am being victimized.  Hopefully, in the future I will be able to take criticism effectively and realize when it is truly meant to help rather than to break me down.
Feelings of rejection definitely contribute to my negative thoughts when given feedback.  It feels as if the people are just trying to insult me rather than help, but I am trying to work on that as well.  I know that they are not truly rejecting me but actually helping me.  I also appreciated the suggestions when faced with actual rejection though as I often fear rejection when approaching new acquaintances or when speaking in front of the class.  I am also very prone to beating myself up when rejected, so next time I will try thinking of all my good qualities rather than focusing on what I could have done differently.
At first when I was reading the articles about giving feedback, I was rather surprised because I always felt like I gave good, constructive feedback.  However, after thinking about it more I realized that I often did exactly what both articles said was bad:  tried to mitigate my criticism by constantly praising how "smart" or "good" the work was.  I liked the ideas about praising hard work rather than cleverness and also about opening up a dialogue and being present rather than doling out empty praise.  In the future, I will try to say what I truly feel about somebody else's work constructively rather using empty words.

How I feel when given feedback.  Web Source.

Story: Vengeance

Vengeance

                Almost every culture has a legend about a vengeful female demon.  The Chinese speak of nu gui, females who have been sexually assaulted and return to seek their revenge, the Spanish whisper about La Llorona, a woman in a white dress who killed her children after her husband has an affair, and in Cambodia they talk about Krasue, a decapitated beautiful woman.

                Do you ever wonder why that is?

                I am the original scorned woman, and all of those myths originate from me.

                When I was young, I was the delight of my family.  I was the most beautiful person in all the land and with my powerful father I could have had any man in the kingdom.  I was content and everyone served me.

                But the heart wants what the heart wants, and everything changed when I met him.

                Rama was the most beautiful man I had ever seen, more beautiful than my brother or my father.  He had the most gorgeous brown eyes that felt like they were staring into my soul. . . I can still see them when I dream.

                But I digress.

                I waited days to speak to him, spying on him through the trees as he hunted and swam.  Every day I fell more and more in love with him until one day I knew I had to do something.

                So I appeared to him and asked him for his hand in marriage, never thinking that he could turn me down.  After all, no one had ever done that.

                He did worse than reject me though; he outright laughed at me.  He refused to even consider my proposal saying that he would never betray his beautiful wife, Sita, pointing at her through the trees.  I protested saying that she was nowhere near as beautiful as I was, but he only laughed again.

                I hate being laughed at.

                Stalking away from him, I vowed revenge.  Nobody would hurt me this way and get away with it.  If I couldn’t have what I wanted, neither could he.  I would take away that which he loved most—his wife.

                Not one for patience, I flew at Sita immediately when I saw she was alone, hoping to cause as much damage as possible.  To my surprise, someone stopped me and threw me back.  When I stood up again, I could feel blood dripping down my face, and I screamed.

                “What have you done to me?!”  My face, my beautiful face, was gone.  Crying tears of humiliation, I ran and swore revenge anew.

                I persuaded some demons to attack Rama and his brother and carry off Sita but somehow they managed to defeat them all.  How I did not know, but I knew of one more way to carry out my revenge.

                I called on my brother, one of the most powerful demons, to help me.  With his cunning and my wrath, I knew we could never fail.  All I had to promise him was the girl.  I agreed readily.

                She wasn’t the one I wanted anyway.

Rama spurns Shurpanakha.  Web Source.

Author's Note:  I didn't take many liberties with the plot of the story except for using the version where Rama doesn't tell Shurpanakha to seek Lakshmana and instead he intervenes when she attacks Sita.  I also drew parallels between her story and other folktales featuring vengeful women.

Bibliography:  Public Domain Ramayana.  Web Source.